It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize