I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize