adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
