Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
