After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
