I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
