Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
