HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
