i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
