my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
