There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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