since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You took a bar mat shot.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
