I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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