did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
