ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize