you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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