I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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