I'm going to jail i love you
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So much Jack, so little girl.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
