Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
