I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
