don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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