On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
