He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
