I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
