Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
