i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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