I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
