wrigley field is MILF paradise
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
