Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy

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(913): View more from Kansas

he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest

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(+61): View more from Australia

It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.

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(912): View more from Georgia

I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding

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(517): View more from Michigan

as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."

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