Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I want her autograph on my taint
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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