we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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