I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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