so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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