Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
