ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
