last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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