.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
