physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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