Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
