i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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