when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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