Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
