We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
