Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
