I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize