her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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