He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
