Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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