can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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