How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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