maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
