sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize