Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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