you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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