I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
