Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
