just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
