6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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