i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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