Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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