how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize