Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
