this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That accounts for only three of the penises
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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