Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
