Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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