If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
