..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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