I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
