I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize