Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
