chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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