Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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