Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
