maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize