Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
