I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
