Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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