Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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