saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
