I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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