There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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