farters have to be the big spoon...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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