Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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