I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
