you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
