i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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