Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
