Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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