Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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