I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
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