Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
