May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
