i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
