just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Everyone says I win the strip club
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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