I wannas sexs uuuuu
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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