I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
