I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
