it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
