Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
