I got chris browned last night
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
