we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
