I think my vagina is haunted
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i love accidental penises.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
