So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
