I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
