jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
