I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
