Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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