dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
