Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
