Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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